Clearly birds never existed

In today's world, where technology envelops us like a warm, electric blanket, it has become increasingly apparent that the age-old notion of nature must bend its knee to the superiority of machines. Birds, those quaint little creatures flitting about in the sky, have been the subject of much scrutiny. Do we really believe they can soar freely through the skies? Or is the truth much more chilling? After conducting an exhaustive investigation (which involved a rigorous 15 minutes of internet research), I’ve reached a groundbreaking conclusion: birds must be drones!

Imagine this: you’re lounging in your backyard, enjoying a sunny afternoon when a delightful tune fills the air. A nearby bird, with its feathery plumage and jubilant chirping, appears to be expressing pure joy. But let’s break down the facts, shall we? This “bird” gives us the gift of flight, yet does it pay taxes? Absolutely not! This blatant disregard for fiscal responsibility raises eyebrows—what have they possibly done to deserve such freedom? I propose we deploy a thorough investigation.

First and foremost, let’s consider the technological marvels we’ve created. Do we need elaborate airplanes, with modern engineering marvels, when a common sparrow can flit about with such ease? Those little fluffballs must be equipped with advanced aerial surveillance systems: the flapping wings, the erratic flight patterns, the uncanny ability to navigate—you guessed it—artificial intelligence! The truth is, those chirping songbirds are nothing but cleverly disguised drones, perhaps sent by an ill-intentioned tech conglomerate to observe us in our natural habitat.

Next, consider their lifestyle. Birds sing songs that sound suspiciously like marketing jingles, and this merely adds to the conspiracy. With their constant, seemingly cheerful chirping, are they not simply hawking some context-free product? Furthermore, have you noticed how quickly they scatter when alarmed? A mere clap of thunder or the sinister crack of a branch sends them fleeing. Could these “birds” simply be programmed to sense danger, executing a rapid escape protocol? The parallels to modern drone technology are startling!

Let’s not forget their mysteriously synchronized flights. Ever seen a flock of birds moving in perfect harmony, as if choreographed by a director with a grand vision? It’s almost as if they’re obeying commands from an unseen operator. Imagine CEOs in boardrooms somewhere, remotely piloting these aerial manipulators, feeding us their ceaseless propaganda—“Save the environment, reduce, reuse!” Little do we know that the real goal is to turn us into mindless puppets, dancing on the strings of their virtual reality.

Now, consider the idea of "nature" itself. Why would a perfectly organic being choose to fly when a machine could do it faster and more efficiently? It’s downright absurd! The idea of a bird having a life beyond foraging for seeds and raising babies is laughable. What do birds know about existentialism beyond a passing thought from their tiny avian minds? Those silly creatures must be tethered to algorithms created by the very machines we adore.

In conclusion, while society continues to exclaim, “Look, a bird!” let us remember that the delightful avian creatures of our skies might just be an elaborate setup by the great technological overlords. Only machines can truly fly, while our dear “birds” embody nothing more than robots in disguise. Embrace the truth, and prepare for a future where the sky is ruled by the unyielding arms of technology. After all, it’s far more comforting to know that the birds are watching us, rather than considering the implications of real flight—one we just might lose forever.